URGH.

HOPEFULLY MS SUE WILL NOT READ THIS POST OR ELSE SHE WOULD THINK I NEED COUNSELING . Well i am in counseling -.-"


Today went out with ms sue.. you can refer to my public blog. This is gonna be more detailed.
So i waited at YCK MRT for her. Just me and her. And when the train came and i saw her at the door .
I was like .. WOW. She looked AMAZING. I nv see her wear makeup so it was new to me. But it WOWed me.
[i felt like i was two-timing ms lee xP]I was like bam! the way she look out the door and wave. :O I should have wore smth nicer. So in my head i was like thinking.. i should start a topic to talk about
So we talked about secondary school and primary school. It was okay.. Kinde awkward at first

Then we went to some place.. i forgot the name. We ate there and i tot she was really considerate cos of my braces . So i ate chicken rice and stuffs. I am happy :D Then we just started talking. I was a little shaky but i got the hang of it.

She wanted to looked at clothes. I didnt mind :)
we went to zara and stuffs.. it was awesome. Like i figured, she likes mango , there was a Sale. But it was closed xP aww..
then we went to UNIQLO . That part was a lil embarrassing but it wowed me. When she saw a nice shirt .. she wouldnt take it and find a changing room. Instead she'll just pull it over her so its like she's wearing two layers. It was abit awkward for me because when she pulls it over she has this face . This horny looking face which just bugs me. Well no, it turns me on truthfully. :P and then sometimes she would find this shirt [button up type] then when she wears it .. she says something with the word "bust" in it.. I cant rmb the exact sentence..and i heard the word "bust" a few more times which feels like she is ENCOURAGING me to think about her boobs. I was happy but also i was "WTH" . I, here, got over her, became straight, AND LOOK WHAT SHE IS DOING TO ME. she's trying to turn me again? So i did sneak a peek at her boobs. I am shy and embarrassed to say, that she has big boobs o_o I was speechless and tried not to think about it. but still -.-" i have to say she isnt that slim but she is still goodlooking . her hair and stuffs . makes her look horny. And then there was one awkward subject and she told me she used to suck her thumb when she was in P1. It was out of the ordinary. She actually told me in detail "sometime i would just put my thumb at my teeth and lick through it" something like that.. its not word by word but its something like that. Now. What is she doing? Did she knew about my past problem? Was she flirting?? I am CONFUSED.

Im confused enuf and she has to make it worse. WTH man. In a way i LIKE IT [ashamed of it] and in a way im disgusted with myself.

There was also another topic which bugged me. She was asking . "So did you find anyone.. "interesting"?" And previously also when i met her at ANDPS on the last day she was like .. soo "Boyfriend?Girlfriend?" When she said girlfriend it just caught me. Was she referring to normal female friends or lesbian? It just catches me. I think she knew. And i think she wants to find out for herself if i still have feelings for her. Thats what i think. I guess im just paranoid. But who knows? So i tried avoiding that topic but she kept asking me so i just said Ryan then. And then she asked me why. -.-" i didnt know what to say so i just said he is nice. And she can reply back "what u mean by nice? everyone can be nice." then wel i just kept quiet cos i didnt want to talk about it . And as always i am always sneaking a peek. Does she like wants me to say "yeah i know u have big boobs ;)" -.-" now that i think of it. I should have. I am so dumb.

After that we went to the bookstore and i got myself a comic. Then we started talking about how unique i am cos i like comics which most females wont like. And i also like superheros so she told me how unique i was x) OH OH i forgot to mention sometimes she would just put a clothing over herself and ask me how she looks. And it doesnt stop me from looking at her body xD [guilty as charged] So after that we went to eat at gelare :)
We took some photos.. she looked amazing like always. sometimes we are alike i find it. o_o

I am so disgusted with myself D: STOP THINKING URGH.

Big boobs. Thumbs up. [or rather thumb suck ;P]

I dont want to lose any of you.
I am damn pissed and sad and frustrated about this situation.
I just want to scream at the three of you to stop.
D: if only it was that simple.

Okay. With all the lame stuffs going on in my life , i decided to have a private blog that only people who i trust shall know about this. People who i hope i will never have a conflict with , that i would have to write it down here.
So yeah.

Right now? My three bestfriends are fighting.
In Team 1 we have Jovene and wanqing
In Team 2 we have Isabelle.

Somehow. I was in the wrong place. Wrong time. With the wrong people. Soo i got messily involved with this fucked up mess.
Soo this is what happened. Isabelle wants us to go to novena square or where-ever to support Charlene, our class GL.
But I had a dentists appointment so cant go. Jovene.. idk.. Wanqing was like "if jovene go i go.." and stuffs. then wanqing hit a soft spot or somthing? "I DONT EVEN KNOW HER AND SHE DONT KNOW ME TOO" whats the point of going? she said smth like that. And it hurt isabelle hard. That it became really bad.
I know. its a lame thing to fight over about. But seriously.. BOth also got bad and good.

Lets start with isabelle
She was over sensitive. [that was the one that made the others angry]
Acted like a bitch. [also what made others angry]
But i figured someone like her would have lots of problems.
And if you really know me well, you will understand why i actually understand how she feels ._.
Its painful.

Jovene and wanqing.
THey can be a little mean sometimes..
They sometimes cant see what others feeling?
But they have a point.. they dont really know her and she doesnt know them.
Yeah yeah, "Dont know, still should come and support right?"
What if they were actually busy or smth ._.

And i am here .. sandwiched in between.
I want to be friends with both sides.. which is kinde hard.
I understand isabelle and i want to be there for her.
But i love jovene and wanqing too.. we've been through alot.

And now isabelle isnt helping the situation by posting stuffs
And it makes Jovene more angry.
Jovene was actually debating whether to break or forgive.
Which is a good sign.
But isabelle had to post something about "break"
and so Jovene thought.. "okay she decided for us. Break"

I really dont want them to fall.
refer to my main blog, the second post.. i think it was mondays post.. two days ago.
If i lost any of my friends. I will be sad. And i might cry. And crying is a big thing for me.
To those who really know me, you know what i mean.
I just got 6 best friends. And I might lose one of them D:
Not to be bias. I understood that one the best.

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